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Managing adrenaline flow when anger and anxiety are at an all-time high throughout an unavoidable situation is similar to riding the rapids. You attempt to remain afloat. Anger and anxiety both fueled by adrenaline are useful for short-term emergencies but are quite destructive and unsightly long-term. In fact, adrenaline affects exactly the same areas of the brain as alcohol, undercutting the ability to see options, see other points of view, make effective decisions, and think clearly concerning the consequences of your actions.
Anger and anxiety won't go away until you effectively cope with its source. You may be trying to control too much. Anger may precipitate an aggressive approach whereas anxiety is avoidance. Meanwhile here are a few strategies in working with this monster. Some options involve coping with anger or anxiety until issues can be resolved. These skills should be practiced before you are angry to lessen reactivity. To learn effectively to remember we can take an "ABCDE" approach before the adrenaline metabolizes.
Acceptance of anger or anxiety itself. Acceptance is not resignation, it's living in reality. Anger or anxiety signals a necessity. Now you ask , how you can meet that need. Pick your battles, using your energy for the best outcomes. Acceptance also acknowledges a realistic look at that which you feel underneath the anger or anxiety. It includes mindfulness: understanding of one's feelings, thoughts, and sensations without reacting or judging them. Emotions can then inform but not determine one's actions. Acceptance also includes a recognition that two people do not have to agree to make agreements. In other words, other points of view do not have to threaten your personal view.
Breathing techniques, like breathing in a phrase accustomed to calm and concentrate, as in self-coaching. An example could be breathing in what "I will" and breathing out "be okay." Or breathe in "This too" and exhale "shall pass." Others use "belly breathing": breathing using your diaphragm. Your stomach should extend when breathing, and never your chest. Others inhale through the nose and out through the mouth. "Combat breathing" involves inhaling for four counts, holding for four counts, breathing out for four counts, holding for four counts, and repeating.
Calming techniques employ the five senses to unwind the body. Appealing to the sense of touch involves soothing sensations that lead to muscle relaxation, the sense of sight using visualization of beautiful scenery or desired outcomes, or using pleasing or relaxing sound, aroma, or taste. Sometimes lowering stimulation in one of these areas is more helpful.
Distraction, including anything that effectively holds your attention for a while before the adrenaline can metabolize.
Expressing anger or anxiety appropriate for your desired outcome. An example may be to state "I feel _____ when you _____" and then suggest a request. It's a request; no one has got the right to control another. Requests could be negotiated, or one might have to take action to safeguard oneself. How can you allow it to be okay in the here and now?
How do you know when you are calm? You could do a "prefrontal check." This is the area of the brain that is mixed up in following tasks:
Am I in a position to appreciate another's perspective? Can I see the effects of my actions? Can I believe of a quantity of options to solve the problem?
Taking breaks during the day to meditate or practice acceptance, breathing, calming approaches or healthy distraction, and then using assertiveness (versus aggressiveness or passiveness) has been shown to work. It's a skill that needs to be developed with time.
